


What's not to love?

by PastelBlueDahlia



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Bathtubs, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Conversations, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Insecure Katsuki Yuuri, Insecurity, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Yuuri's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 12:51:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10922181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelBlueDahlia/pseuds/PastelBlueDahlia
Summary: Viktor's warm, large hands were pressed on his back, and then wandered further down to his naked ass and gave it a tight squeeze. Yuuri gasped and immediately bit his lip to stay quiet. „Now you're trying to be quiet?“ Viktor laughed against his neck, his voice lowered so seductively it made Yuuri shiver, but he laughed when he responded „Shut up.“„Poor Makkachin. The old girl must be traumatized.“„Viktor!“He always managed to give Yuuri the control back into his hand when he felt like losing it, and this made Yuuri want to let him have it. It made him want to lose himself in Viktor.----------------------Yuuri and Viktor's first time after getting engaged, but Yuuri is insecure about his body





	What's not to love?

It all started with a lazy morning.

The light shone brightly through the windows, the light-colored curtains were tugged to the side and not doing much to keep the room in comfortable, dim darkness. Around his waist Yuuri felt the heavy, warm weight of Viktor's arm. His warm breath tickled him on the neck, and he relished in the feeling of Viktor's warm body pressed against his back. Yuuri knew he had to do his morning run with Makkachin, but it was rare that Viktor wasn‘t up before him. Yuuri was always amazed about how little sleep Viktor needed, and how it never had any impact on his cheerful mood. He sighed contented, but soon Makkachin jumped onto the bed, and after he greeted the dog with a tender ruffle he got up to take a shower. It was always hard to detach the arms around him, to leave him alone in the big, comfortable bed, and more than once Yuuri thought about laying back to him, nuzzling his nose in the warm crook of Viktor's neck, especially when he saw how he unconsciously searched the sheets after him.

So Yuuri went to the bathroom, stripped his clothes off and shivered in the cold air, and then let the warm water flow over his body until he didn't feel as cold without Viktor. After that he put his loose sweatpants on and a black shirt. He noticed how he got a light layer of fat back on his belly, and even though it wasn't as bad as it were back in Hasetsu, it wasn't pretty to look at how the pants cut into the fat. He sighed and went to the kitchen to feed Makkachin and eat some scrambled eggs.

The off-season just started and Yuuri didn‘t have to train everyday now or keep his strict diet. It was nice not having to think about what to eat or which muscles he should focus on next, but there was always this little worried voice in the back of his mind, telling him that he should be careful not to get too comfortable. The exercise he had to do last year to get him back into shape was exhausting, so he always tried to at least keep the routine of his morning run up. Despite the running he saw how he slowly gained weight, and it was not hard to see where it was coming from. Viktor loved to pamper Yuuri and show him all the places for the best Russian food. It was of course tasty, but he ate more meat and dough than he had ever before in his life. Despite having a functioning kitchen they were eating mostly outside to test the Restaurants, but Viktor ever really cared about the amount of money he spent.

Yuuri covered the pan to keep the eggs warm for Viktor and went back to the bedroom. He still laid in bed and Yuuri smiled at the sight of Viktor's disheveled hair and the little pout he had while sleeping. He walked up to him and kissed him on his exposed forehead and then on his lips. Viktor made a small, surprised sound in the back of his throat at that, and kissed Yuuri hard back, his lips not opening. Then he smiled sleepy up at Yuuri. „Good morning.“ Yuuri said and smiled down at him. Viktor's eyes looked so much more blue and bright in the bright bedroom with the sun shining through the windows.

Viktor didn't reply but smiled up to Yuuri, gently tugging one loose strand of hair behind his ear before standing up to go the bathroom. Yuuri laid on his back, Viktor's smell and the warmth of a sleeping body lingering on the sheets, and he smiled up at the ceiling as his heart slowly filled with contentment and happiness.

„Yuuri, I _really_  love kissing you, but I would appreciate it if you would wait until I brushed my teeth.“ he said and laid next to Yuuri. He turned his head to Viktor and smiled back at him. „Maybe you have to take better care of me“ he said and something mischievous flickered in Viktor's eyes. He brought his face close to Yuuri's and beamed at him with a wide smile. „Oh? I think I have to make up for neglecting you.“ Yuuri rolled his eyes and then Viktor's lips were on his, soft and breathtaking and tasting like mint. He was still so warm and his body felt so good against his that suddenly buzzing electricity ran through him. Viktor pressed his chest to Yuuri's, a light pressure on him that added to his breathlessness and it made Yuuri feel his heart in his throat and in his ears. Viktor slowly ran his fingers through Yuuri's hair and he shivered. Of course Viktor would be good at this, he had probably kissed thousands of people. But Yuuri was the one kissing him now. And this fact was sometimes so overwhelming that he couldn't help the feeling of possessiveness and the grin forming on his face.

Somehow, it wasn't enough. Yuuri felt a heat climb up inside him, and he just wanted more of Viktor. He parted his lips and slid his tongue into Viktor's mouth, and Viktor enthusiastically tangled their tongues further. Yuuri was glad that he had overcome his embarrassment that kept him from initiating a kiss.

He put his hand on Viktor's neck to pull him a little loser, and Viktor responded with a small, happy sound in the back of his throat. The heat from before had settled in the pit of his stomach, but Yuuri didn't want to stop. One of the things Yuuri didn't like about his body was that his cheeks flushed so easily, but in that moment it was completely fine because Yuuri could feel the heat from Viktor's cheeks under his thumb, and it made him smile a little into the kiss.

But then Viktor slid his hands up Yuuri's sides, his hands firmly roaming over his body. It made Yuuri twitch and whimper in the back of his throat, and Viktor's warm hands were under his shirt, only lightly brushing the skin, but it was too much. Yuuri shied away and quickly pulled Viktor's hands away from under his shirt in a sharp movement, his eyes widening at the sudden rejection, and Yuuri bit his lower lip as frustration and regret swept over him. He didn't mean to make it look like he was disgusted at his touch or something, but he just couldn't do this. It was stupid and childish but he didn't want Viktor to look at him while he felt so unattractive and uncomfortable in his skin. He didn't gain that much weight, but the thought that Viktor would maybe think back at the time when Yuuri did weigh a little more and look at him now with disappointment in his eyes, like he wanted to say „Really Yuuri? Please don't go back to that.“ was unbearable.

Viktor sighed softly and rolled off Yuuri, massaging his neck in a gesture Yuuri recognized he always did when he was uncomfortable or didn't know what to do. The loss of Viktor's body against his made Yuuri feel strangely cold, like he was lacking something, and he desperately tried to suppress the urge to apologize.

„I'm sorry Yuuri, I don't want to pressure you into anything you don't want.“ he said, cupping Yuuri's face with his warm fingers and his expression soft and worried, his brows furrowed. „We can take it slow, there's no need to rush.“ he added and smiled reassuring at Yuuri, and he knew that this really wasn't something that bothered Viktor. He always managed to give Yuuri the control back into his hands when he felt like losing it, and this made Yuuri want to let him have it. It made him want to lose himself in Viktor.

Yuuri surprised himself when he heard himself say „No, I want this.“ Viktor didn't look less surprised, his lips slightly parted and his eyes wide. Yuuri took a second to think about what he felt after saying something like that, but there was no regret, only slight embarrassment.

He would lie if he said he never thought about sleeping with Viktor. He was always unreachable, an idol, a role model, and in his childish mind he often thought about how it would be if he could watch Viktor from up close, hold his hand, hug him, slide his hands through his long, silvery hair. Those feelings changed of course, because Viktor was suddenly there and human and even better than he could ever imagine. It was only natural to want to take the next step.

„B-but maybe not today. Maybe… sometime next week.“ he said, his embarrassment gradually increasing until he had to avert his eyes. He felt Viktor stare holes in his face. He slightly turned Yuuri's face back to him, his fingers gentle and warm.

„Look, it's not that I don't want do this with you. But I want you to only consider what you want, okay? Don't think about me at all or about what other people do. And besides...“ he said, placing a kiss on Yuuri's cheek. „I've seen you naked in the onsen hundreds of times, so believe me when I say I'm used to holding back.“ he winked at him playfully and Yuuri smiled back at him, relief and embarrassment sweeping over him. Then Viktor stood up, stretching his arms above his head. Yuuri couldn't help but look at him, how the muscles under his pale skin moved and flexed and Yuuri felt the heat back in the pit of his stomach.

„But, just so you know, I'm going to stock up the things we'll need, so you don't have to worry.“ he said, back turned to Yuuri.

Yuuri choked at nothing and felt his cheeks redden.

 

 

But now, where sleeping with Viktor wasn't a distant thing in the future, but a possible thing that could happen tomorrow, Yuuri got scared.

Yuuri loved Viktor and trusted him, probably more than any other person. But there was the fear that Viktor would look at him, at his body, and be disappointed. Yuuri never really liked physical touch and his family and friends respected that. But then Viktor came along and broke through all his barriers he built around himself over the years and turned everything Yuuri thought he knew about himself upside down. He liked the thought of Viktor's hands on his body, big and warm and gentle, but the fact that these hands could easily slip under his clothes made him afraid, that he could touch Yuuri's nowhere near perfect body.

Yuuri wanted to be attractive for Viktor, he wanted Viktor to look at him like he did after his Eros routine: overflowing with happiness but his eyes a little darker, kissing him a little fiercer than normal. But he knew that he couldn't keep playing Eros, because he was just Yuuri. Clumsy, inexperienced Yuuri.

Sometimes it was better to keep a facade up, then to get to know the real thing.

When it came to those things, he always got painfully aware of his own inexperience. Viktor was gorgeous and talented and the whole world loved him. It was only natural that from all the people who loved him, he would love a couple of them back and take them up into his room, or sometimes just disappear into a deserted, quiet place. It wasn't that Viktor tried not to talk about past lovers, he always told Yuuri when he looked like he wanted to ask a question but was too embarrassed to do so. And after some time he learned that Viktor was never truly happy with those things. But that he was now.

When he was a teenager the boys in his class would talk loudly about such topics, but Yuuri would always turn away, his head bright red. And the other friends he had were Yuuko and Nishigori, and they were the last people he wanted to talk about something like that. In college, he could always ditch this topic, especially when Phichit started to notice how uncomfortable he was with it he always managed to turn the conversation into a different direction through a couple comments.

But now he wished he would have listened a little more, wished he knew what was normal.

Suddenly he felt absolutely not ready, like he could never be ready. But he wanted to try. Yuuri knew that he would always have anxiety, would always have this unreasonable fear, that this would never change. But having Viktor by his side, smiling at him, intertwining their fingers and whispering reassuring things in his ear helped, and Yuuri couldn't imagine facing such a scary, unknown thing without Viktor.

 

           

The next day after they had eaten dinner Yuuri went to the bathroom to take a shower. He felt his heart racing uncontrollably in his chest. The moment was perfect. He did say a week from then, and since the next day they had a day off they would usually spend their evening cuddling on the couch and watching films. And Yuuri wanted this. He never wanted to touch another person so badly before, and he hoped desperately that Viktor wanted this too. Yuuri stood in the shower and let the warm water rinse over his hair and shoulders, switching between self-doubt and anxiety and excitement and embarrassment. He looked down at his belly, and he had to stop himself from pinching the fat. It would only make him feel worse.

So he scrubbed his skin with one of Viktor's expensive, exfoliating body wash, the sweet smell lingering in the bathroom. Yuuri felt a little silly at his attempts to improve his appearance. There wasn't much he could do now. He put one of his larger, white shirts on, and he briefly wondered if he should wear only the shirt without underwear, but that would barely cover his ass and for that he jut wasn't bold enough. He took a deep breath before stepping out in the bedroom.

Viktor sat on their bed, writing on a notebook with a serious expression, his brows furrowed in thought. The only source of light was the little lamp on the nightstand, and it dipped the room in soft, warm light. It threw dark shadows into the room and made Viktor look almost vulnerable and lonely, like this was how he spent his life before he met Yuuri. He felt a lump in his throat and his chest twinged with a dull pain.

Then he looked up and his eyes suddenly got dark and a small, crooked smile tugged on the corners of his mouth. He put the notebook on the nightstand and said in a low, molten voice “Come here.“, as if he didn't want to scare Yuuri, sstretching his hands out like a child and making a grabbing motion. Yuuri curled up inside his arms and sighed content. Viktor kissed the little hair whorl on top of Yuuri's head. „You smell really nice...“ he murmured absentmindedly and Yuuri couldn't fight back the smile that formed on his lips. „Are you complimenting me or your body wash?“ he asked teasingly and Viktor laughed softly „Why not both?“

Viktor gently traced Yuuri's jaw, his cheeks, his nose, like he was amazed that Yuuri existed and tried to slowly take in every part he consisted of. It was so tender that it became unbearable and his heart ached like someone clutched it firmly in his fist. He reached up to kiss Viktor on the lips. Now it was an invitation, and there was no turning back.

To his surprise Viktor just kissed him slow, lazy and Yuuri had to slip his tongue into his mouth and tangle them to a hot mess. But Viktor was not very responsive, he didn't touch Yuuri's neck, waist or hip like usual, instead he gently cupped his cheek. He just wanted to groan in frustration. They've done it like this countless times before, and he loved it, but this wasn't what he needed. He wanted to feel Viktor's skin burn under his palm, wanted to touch him more and to see all these new faces Viktor could make. He felt this hunger again, this heat in the pit of his stomach than seemed to slowly sink lower, and _oh_ , he wanted this _so bad._

Maybe Viktor didn't want this. Maybe he just wanted to get this fat pig off of him and stop these messy, desperate kisses. Yuuri felt a painful twinge in his chest, more painful than it should be when it was himself that thought this. Viktor wouldn't think like that. Yuuri pulled away, his eyes focused on Viktor's glistening, full and red lips, his hands steady on Viktor's shoulders.

„Uh, I thought- I thought you wanted this but, um, it seems you don't?“ he managed to get out. Yuuri hated his blush. He hated to stammer in the most important moments

But Viktor just gently pulled one of Yuuri's hands from his shoulder and held it on the wrist. He placed a painfully tender kiss on the skin where Yuuri's pulse pounded, as if he would break him.

„I'm afraid that you don't really want this."

Yuuri's breath hitched in his chest. Viktor was scared? Nervous? Unsure? Yuuri hated the moments when Viktor suddenly became human, when he voiced his own fears and showed his flaws, because it reminded him how little support he gave Viktor, how he still couldn't see him as an equal. And he had to give that to Viktor, he had to show his love and support like he always showed him.

He gently poked Viktor's head, a loving smile on his face. „Even if it's not perfect, I will be happy. Because I can't imagine doing this with any other person besides you. Only with you.“ he said softly, and then he got closer to kiss Viktor, extinguishing the fire in his stomach to kiss him as tenderly as possible. Viktor seemed hesitant, his lips not responding, something so unusual for him, before he lurched forward and finally took control over the kiss. Yuuri made a small, startled sound in the back of his throat, but then there was the familiar weight and warmth of Viktor's palm on his back and the other slid into his hair, and he relaxed and smiled into the kiss.

Viktor slowly pushed Yuuri back into the mattress and looked at him, the blue of his eyes dark, heated, and he softly touched Yuuri's hip, one finger under the hem of his brief boxers. „Can I?“ he asked, his voice raspy and it send a shiver down Yuuri's spine. He nodded, because he was sure nothing intelligible would come out of his mouth in this moment. Viktor dipped down to kiss him again, his hands gently pulling the boxers down, and Yuuri lightly lifted his hip to make it easier to take this annoying piece of clothing off. He was still mostly covered in his shirt, but the fact that he was partly naked in front of Viktor, that he could touch him and it would lead to some other things made his heart double its pace.

He felt it again, this insatiable hunger, and he pulled Viktor close, devoured his lips and drew little, beautiful moans out of him that tasted sweet. Yuuri pulled away to kiss a trail down from Viktor's slender neck to his collarbone, feeling the quickened pace of his pulse under his own lips, and he said in a soft voice „Off. Please.“

Viktor then stood up and slowly pulled his shirt over his head. Yuuri's breath hitched in his chest and he felt a heavy tug in his lower stomach. The soft, warm light made the shadows on Viktor's skin deeper, carving out his lean muscles and his flawless, smooth skin like a painting. But different from old masterpieces, Yuuri wouldn't be satisfied with just watching.

He made a desperate, high-pitched noise in the back of his throat and reached his arms out, waiting for Viktor to lay back with him. He just beamed at Yuuri and took his sweatpants off in a single swift motion. Yuuri had only a second to look at Viktor's already half hard dick, but then his body was pressed up against his, seemingly burning through the thin fabric of his shirt. Viktor kissed Yuuri on his neck, wet, open-mouthed kisses that send a wave of heat down his spine.

„You're gorgeous.“ Yuuri said in a low voice, his fingers tangled in the soft strands of Viktor's hair. He looked up to him, his face only centimeters away from his own, and his hot breath made Yuuri's skin tingle.

„Yuuri, I wish you could see yourself how I see you, _god._ “ he said, and Yuuri laughed softly. Viktor gently tugged one loose strand of hair behind Yuuri's ear. „Just look at you. _You're_  the one that's gorgeous.“ he said and then pulled Yuuri into a borderline painful hug. „Thank you for letting me do this. Thank you for letting me see you like this.“ his voice was so quiet and desperate that Yuuri felt his heart ache in his chest. He gently ruffled through Viktor's hair.

„Hey, I'm not doing you a favor.“ he said playfully. „I want this. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it because that's what I want. So don't thank me, I'm trying to be selfish right now.“ he said and pressed a kiss on Viktor hair whorl.

Viktor smiled at him. „I wish you would be more selfish. Look how-“ he pressed kiss on Yuuri's cheek „Cute“ a kiss on the forehead „Adorable“ a kiss on his nose „Sexy“ and finally, a kiss on his lips. „You are. And you are mine“ he smiled and then kissed Yuuri again, long and slow.

After they parted their lips, Yuuri asked „Who are you talking to?“ and his voice sounded more bitter than he intended to.

But Viktor didn't seem to notice. „To my fantastic fiance of course!“ he said and nuzzled his face in the crook of Yuuri's neck. „Must be a lucky guy...“ he added quietly, and suddenly Viktor pulled away and looked him in the eyes, his expression serious. „How is it possible that you love me so much but think that nobody can love you in the same way? Isn't that a little self-centered?“ he asked, a small reassuring smile on his lips. Yuuri thought about it and then sighed. „You're right. I'm so-“ mid sentence, Viktor cut him off with a kiss. He immediately slipped his tongue inside and stole Yuuri's breath. Then Viktor pulled away slightly and put his forehead on Yuuri's. „No apologies.“ he whispered and Yuuri nodded. Then his lips were back, his mouth hot and open for him, and Yuuri loved the feeling of being able to slide his hands on Viktor's back and on his neck and to hear all these little moans and feel his body heat directly on his.

He felt Viktor's hand slowly gliding up his leg and his fingers under the hem of his shirt. He swiftly held him back on his wrist and shook his head. Viktor smiled at him and placed a soft peck on Yuuri's mouth „Can I touch you through the fabric?“ he asked softly and Yuuri hummed approving. He wished he wouldn't be so anxious, so hesitant, so easily embarrassed.

Viktor kept kissing him, suddenly more desperate and hungry than before, and Yuuri felt his face heat up and the pit of his stomach grow hot. He could already feel himself leaking, and he was glad that Viktor didn't seem to notice. At least not for now. He gently moved his hand to Yuuri's nipple and gently stroked it with his thumb through the fabric. Suddenly, he bit on Yuuri's lower lip and pinched his nipple, and Yuuri flinched and moaned way to loud. His face heated up even more but Viktor smiled at him like he just saw the best thing in the world and whispered „ _Beautiful_.“ before smothering Yuuri with kisses and touches and heat.

Yuuri had always thought that his nipples weren't an erogenous zone, because it never seemed to have any impact on him when he touched them. But with Viktor, it was different, he could make Yuuri squirm and shiver under his palms just with a firm touch on his legs. It was a strangely exciting thought that he was 24 but still didn't know everything about his body, and that he got to explore all these things together with Viktor.

Yuuri's back arched from Viktor's touches, his mouth opened a little wider to let another moan out, but there was Viktor, taking them all in. Yuuri felt his dick throbbing and he squirmed. But there was also Viktor, laying beside him and pressing his now hard dick into Yuuri's hip. He had never felt more aroused in his life, he never even though he could feel so strongly from another persons touch, but there was Viktor, surprising him again and again.

Yuuri wanted to do this forever, but he also wanted release, wanted the heat in his body to burst. He noticed how Viktor drew small circles with his hips, seeking for a little friction. Yuuri pushed him away on his shoulder, and Viktor looked at him with dark, hazy eyes, his cheeks tinted pink and his lips plump and wet and swollen. Yuuri gulped.

„Now.“

Viktor blinked in surprise but then his eyes glimmered and he pressed a kiss on Yuuri's lips. He rummaged around in his nightstand and pulled out an orange, transparent lube and a condom. Then he pulled his own brief boxers off and Yuuri couldn't help but stare at Viktor's hard cock. His throat went dry and he wanted to lick his lips, or even better, have Viktor lick into his mouth. He was almost surprised to see what an effect he had on Viktor, like the warm press on his hip from before wasn't his dick.

He looked at Viktor's face, and he smiled at him bashfully and grabbed the lube. Viktor slicked his fingers up with lube with a generous amount, and the sweet peach smell filled the bedroom. To his surprise, Viktor reached behind him. Yuuri furrowed his brows in confusion„I'm sorry, I would have prepared myself beforehand but-“ „Wait, I thought I would bottom?“ Viktor looked at him, his eyes wide and his lips slightly parted. Yuuri felt his blood shot into his cheeks.

Viktor cleared his throat and said in a slightly embarrassed voice „Oh, uh, I just thought that it would be easier for you like this, because this is your first time, but we can do it like that too, if- if you want.“ he ended his rambling, his face flustered, and Yuuri had to bite back a laugh. He smiled up at him and suddenly felt really sure. Safe.

„Yeah.“

 

 

After Viktor had lubed Yuuri properly he told him to relax and slowly put his finger inside. Yuuri tried to breathe calmly but he felt himself tense up uncontrollably even though Viktor didn't go in deep. The sensation was strange, and a little painful, but Viktor let Yuuri get used to it and talked him through it, always reassuring that he did well and that he only had to relax. But he felt that he wasn't as relaxed as Viktor wanted him to be.

Viktor moved his hand agonizingly slow and dipped down now and then to kiss and distract him. For Yuuri, it felt like hours and he wondered if he really needed to be so carefully prepared. It was embarrassing but there was a sudden thought in his head he couldn't shove away and he covered his face with his hands, biting on his lip to suppress a laugh.

Beside him Viktor suddenly stopped moving and asked in a worried voice „Are you okay? I'm going to pull out, hold on...“ Yuuri slowly uncovered his face and smiled at Viktor, who looked so utterly worried it made Yuuri grin a little wider. Viktor looked at him surprised but then the tenseness in his face and body slowly wore off and his expression softened, a small smile on his face. „What's so funny?“ he asked softly.

„Its just… oh god, I'm sorry I'm so immature.“ he said, and laughing embarrassed. But Viktor only laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Yuuri's cheek.

„It's okay. When I had my first time the guy was so serious and tried to be sexy all the time, I was so glad he took me from behind so he couldn't see my face.“ he laughed and then his face got serious like he just realized he made a big mistake. „No, Yuuri, I didn't want to talk about it, I'm-“ he tried to explain, his face flustered but Yuuri shut him up with a kiss.

„No apologies, remember?“ he said playfully and Viktor smiled at him. „But that was really not okay, so… Yuuri, I want you to know that i really want this. Um, if you want, only if you're comfortable and we don't have to go all the way today, so...“ Yuuri laughed and as he kissed Viktor heated, he felt him melt against his skin.

Then Viktor added a second finger, and Yuuri gasped. He was almost surprised that two fingers fit inside him, and even though he definitely felt the stretch, it didn't feel completely bad or uncomfortable. It seemed just kind of unsatisfying. Sometimes he felt how close Viktor was to some brink, on a border of something, but he didn't really seem to search for it yet.

Yuuri knew that this was mostly shallow thrusting and rubbing to stretch him properly, but even though he was breathless, he expected more, some kind of firework in his body. Then Viktor added a third finger.

„How are you? Can you keep going?“ Viktor asked, his face hovering worried over Yuuri's. „I feel… full. But… it's not bad, I-I'm okay.“ he answered, his breath coming short. „Come here, come kiss me.“ he begged, his voice high-pitched and needy, and it was like Viktor only waited for his permission because he immediately sank down to kiss Yuuri. The heat of their tongues made him relax a little, but then he felt something move and he gasped and pulled away. Before he could fully understand what happened Viktor curled his fingers again, rubbing the same spot, and it made Yuuri arch his back in pleasure and moan louder he had ever heard himself. His mind got fuzzy and he dug his fingers into Viktor's upper arm, not able to comprehend how suddenly he drowned without any kind of warning.

He looked down at himself, dazed and confused, but no, he hadn't come and Viktor's hand was still in between his legs. Yuuri felt like he was falling apart, flooding over the brink.

He just wanted to cry at the sensation as stars danced behind his closed eyes. „Viktor...“ he whimpered and moaned as Viktor curled and rubbed and made Yuuri's mind go blank. But then he stopped, and carefully, slowly pulled out. Yuuri gasped at the emptiness.

„Yuuri.“ he said, his voice dark and husky „Can I?“

Yuuri panted against Viktor's lips and nodded slightly. He could feel how tense Viktor was, he saw his muscles flexing under his skin like he was so desperately holding back. His eyes darted down to Viktor's dick, and he still felt overwhelmed at the thought that he could make Viktor react like that, and he felt almost bad for neglecting him.

As Yuuri watched, Viktor opened the wrapper of the condom and pulled it over his length. It felt almost shameless to just lay back and watch, as if he saw something incredibly private. He felt his heart throb in his fingertips, in his ears, everywhere.

Then Viktor poured lube on himself and leaned against the headboard of the bed.

„You can straddle me and set your own pace, okay?“

Yuuri gulped his nervousness down and nodded. One reason he wanted to bottom was because he thought that like this, it wouldn't be that bad if he had no experience. But now being the one to do something made his throat go dry. But at the same time, he didn't want to just lie there and do nothing.

So he straddled Viktor and took a deep breath before reaching back and guiding Viktor's cock with his hand and slowly sinking down. He gripped tightly on Viktor's shoulders, and Viktor drew small, calming circles on his waist. He let out a small sound, something between a laugh and gasp when he noticed that both of their hands were trembling.

„Go as slow as you need, okay?“ Viktor said, his voice sounding slightly strained. Yuuri smiled weakly at him and slowly moved lower, until he was fully seated in Viktor's lap. He bit his lower lip and tried to calm the waves of pleasure that seemed to overwhelm him. It felt certainly different from Viktor's fingers. He kissed Viktor, trying to ground himself with something to not get swept away from all these new sensations.

„Hey.“

„Hey.“ Yuuri replied, a small breathless smile on his face.

„Um… You need to relax, or this isn't going to last long...“ Viktor said, his voice strained and his eyes squeezed shut. Yuuri noticed how tense he was and he thought that he probably had to restrain himself from thrusting up into him. He tried to take deep calm breaths and relaxed, and felt himself sinking even a little further, felt Viktor more.

Viktor laughed softly and then peppered Yuuri's shoulder and neck with little, tender kisses. Yuuri felt his heart ache in his chest, pounding against his rib cage as if it wanted to break through. Viktor's warm, large hands were pressed on his back, and then wandered further down to his naked ass and gave it a tight squeeze. Yuuri gasped and immediately bit his lip to stay quiet. „Now you're trying to be quiet?“ Viktor laughed against his neck, his voice lowered so seductively it made Yuuri shiver, but he laughed when he responded „Shut up.“

„Poor Makkachin. The old girl must be traumatized.“

„Viktor!“

Viktor laughed, a bright, bubbly sound, and Yuuri felt his shoulders shake under his palm, and suddenly Viktor was vulnerable and he loved him so, so much that he didn't know what to say, didn't know if he would ever be able to convey it properly. Yuuri wanted to hide Viktor from the world.

But then Viktor suddenly bit his shoulder playfully through the thin fabric, and it was so unexpected that Yuuri arched his back lightly and rolled his hips. As the pleasure flashed through both of them they moaned against each others lips, and then smiled bashfully.

„Well, I guess were both a bit… vocal.“ Yuuri giggled and kissed Viktor. He tangled their hands together and with his free hand squeezed Yuuri's ass again. „Can you move?“ Viktor asked breathless and Yuuri nodded slightly.

It took a little time to adjust himself so he would hit his sweet spot, but when he finally found it, Yuuri was unstoppable. He bounced up and down, his head thrown back in pleasure, his nails digging in Viktor's skin, leaving red marks that would turn violet later. It was new and good and addictive. Yuuri loved how Viktor felt inside him, how his heat spread through Yuuri's body, how it felt like he wanted to claim him.

And Viktor was so beautiful that it just ignited the heat in Yuuri even more. His disheveled hair, his blue eyes dark or closed in pleasure, his lips red and swollen, letting out sweet moans Yuuri would have never thought he could make. Viktor dug his fingers painfully in Yuuri's ass, but surprisingly it didn't bother him, he somehow even liked the idea to be bruised from Viktor. Yuuri knew it took all his restraint not to flip him over and fuck recklessly into him, and he wondered if he would even mind at that point.

Yuuri was utterly lost in the sensations of the heat around and inside him, Viktor's breathy moans and the wet kisses pressed on his skin, their tongues tangled with each other, the wet slap of skin against skin. Then his eyes snapped open as he felt Viktor's hand on his length. His eyes were darker than he had ever seen before, a light blush on his cheeks, and then he thrust up into Yuuri, even adding to the pleasure. Yuuri let out a loud, whimpering moan and felt a warm heat roll its way up his spine, making his toes curl.

He picked up his pace, chasing after the pleasure, meeting Viktor's thrusts like they were skating, perfectly in sync. It was overwhelming, and suddenly the heat burst and he felt his whole body slowly tense up, like electricity slowly ran through his veins, and he threw his head back and moaned Viktor's name.

His vision still white, he got limp and leaned in Viktor's open arms. He tightly hugged Yuuri, his fingers digging through the fabric, crushing his shoulders, until he couldn't restrain himself and thrust hard into Yuuri. The over stimulation almost made him cry, his toes curled into the bed sheets until he felt Viktor's cock grow hotter inside him. Then Viktor slumped against him, his forehead on Yuuri's shoulder. They both panted loudly in the silence, holding each other.

Yuuri felt Viktor's hot breath against his shoulder and pressed a kiss above his ear. Viktor pulled away to kiss him, gentle and soft.

„Are you okay?“ he asked, still out of breath. Yuuri's smile widened and he gently tugged one loose strand of Viktor's hair behind his ear. „Yeah. You?“

„Never felt better.“

Yuuri giggled. „Me to.“

Viktor pressed an open-mouthed kiss on Yuuri's neck, where his pulse beat strongly. „I love you.“ he said, his voice quiet and slow, almost sleepy, like he was telling a secret. „I love you too.“ Viktor laughed, the sound bubbly and cheerful.

Slowly, Yuuri realized how uncomfortable he was. His shirt was sticky, and his hair stuck to his face. He pulled away to look at Viktor's face, and gently cupped his face, his thumb stroking across the heated, smooth skin. Viktor smiled at him softly, and Yuuri thought that he had never looked better than this, disheveled and smiling. He kissed him gently on the lips and then he realized that he had come all over Viktor's hand, and it made his ears prickle with heat. „Oh.“ he said, his eyes darting down quickly and then back up into Viktor's smiling face.

„It's okay. Let's get cleaned up.“ he beamed. Yuuri slowly lifted himself up, feeling the strange emptiness inside. His tights hurt and shivered from the exertion, and after Viktor got rid of the condom and washed his hands he sat beside Yuuri and gently massaged his tights until the strange feeling of numbness disappeared.

Then Viktor stood up, stretching in all of his naked glory, and Yuuri couldn't believe that he just had sex with him. Viktor turned around, and shot him a smirk. „What are you thinking about?“

Yuuri's lips curled into a smile. „Just how it is possible that I had sex with you. _Me._ With _you._ So many people must hate me now.“ Viktor pressed a kiss on Yuuri's forehead. „That's strange. I thought exactly the same.“ Yuuri rolled his eyes but laughed. „Liar.“

„You hurt me Yuuri, I would never lie to you. Come on, stand up.“ he said and gently pulled on Yuuri's arms to help him stand. His knees still felt a little weak but walking was no problem. Viktor guided him to the bathroom, his arms slung around Yuuri's waist and his chin rested on his shoulder.

„Can I?“ he whispered against his neck and carefully slid his fingers under the hem of Yuuri's shirt. The feeling of imperfection, of not being what Viktor wanted flooded his mind. He took a deep breath and tried to suppress it. Viktor had seen him in a way more embarrassing state now, so did it really matter?

„Yes.“

Viktor smiled at him and peppered his neck with little kisses. Then he slowly raised the hem up and gestured Yuuri to raise his arms. He stood there, in the middle of the bathroom, naked and sweaty, his cheeks beginning to heat up again against his will. But Viktor's eyes were soft, his smile gentle, and the unreasonable fear inside his gut slowly crumbled away like a sandcastle, washed away from the storm that Viktor was.

„God, you're so gorgeous.“ he whispered absentminded. And Yuuri decided that this was enough. That he would at least today take Viktor's compliments. So he said „You're not looking so bad yourself“ Viktor laughed and answered „Well, thank you.“ and kissed Yuuri slow and comforting, and he had never felt more loved and safe than in this moment.

Viktor drew a bath and put some kind of bath bomb in it, the sweet smell and colors mixing in the water like a little firework. He sat down on one corner of the tub and looked expecting at Yuuri, who understood without a word. He sat himself in front of Viktor and got immediately pulled into a close, bone crushing hug. Viktor slowly dipped a washcloth into the water and gently, carefully washed Yuuri's arms, his neck and chest. With his other hand he slowly stroked his hairs out of his face. Yuuri sighed in contentment and leaned a little more against Viktor.

„Are you sure you're okay? You're not hurt?“ he asked right next to Yuuri's ear, worry lingering in his voice. Yuuri laughed softly. „No, I promise. It was great, I'm glad we did it.“ Viktor pressed a broad smile into Yuuri's skin.

„I'm just… _so happy_   right now, I don't know what to do.“ he admitted quietly. Yuuri knew that he wouldn't have the courage so say such things if Viktor was looking at him. It just felt like his heart was _spilling_ , and it spilled over his lips and bounced against the cold tiles of the bathroom.

Viktor was silent, in thought, and he threaded their fingers tightly together.

„Me too. I love you so much, and I'm scared that you will never realize just how much.“ he said, his voice unusual thick and quiet. Yuuri felt a dull twinge of pain in his chest and he tried to turn around, Viktor's name already on his lips, but Viktor just hugged him tightly and said with an even quieter voice „Don't." He reached behind him to gently stroke Vikor's hair whorl.

„ _I know_. I know how much I mean to you. I-I just can't believe it sometimes.“ he said, and he felt the tears well up in his eyes. „You should. You _really_  should.“ Viktor said, his voice still quiet, and he slowly let Yuuri go. As soon as his arms weren't slung around him anymore, Yuuri turned around and placed a soft, sweet kiss on Viktor's lips. He gently cupped Viktor's face, his thumb brushing along the skin, taking in the sigh of his blue eyes, his hair, the soft and sad smile on his face. He trailed an invisible path on Viktor's skin with kisses, from his lips to his cheeks to his forehead, his neck and shoulder. „I promise I will.“ he said quietly.

Viktor smiled at him softly and brought their intertwined hands up to his mouth and kissed Yuuri's ring. Then he continued to gently clean Yuuri, stretching his legs and gliding up with the washcloth to his tights. Yuuri had to suppress the lust that began to boil in his gut again. He felt safe and comfortable, and as good as sex with Viktor was, he didn't want to ruin this moment.

After that Viktor gently patted Yuuri dry with a cotton towel he had laid beforehand on the heater, and the soft, warm feeling against his skin made Yuuri sleepy. Viktor took his time, placing hot, tender kisses on Yuuri's body, worshiping him like he wanted to make sure that all of his feelings got across. It felt like he was wrapped up in Viktor's love, and it was indescribable to know that another person loved him the way he did.

Then they got dressed, the clothes loose and comfortable, and Viktor changed the sheets and wrapped Yuuri up in another, thin blanket like he was a little present that would break easily when not handled with the utmost care. Yuuri laid down, rubbing his eyes sleepy and then lifting the thin blanket up for Viktor. He happily slid closer and Yuuri nuzzled his face against Viktor's chest. The warm weight of his arms on his body made him feel safe, their legs tangled.

Yuuri's heart felt full of happiness, and it ached with the knowledge that he could never really express how he felt in this moment, couldn't put any of this into words. So he moved his face to Viktor's and kissed him gentle and sweet on his warm lips. "I don't deserve you." he whispered against Viktor's lips, their foreheads pressed together.

Viktor's face seemed to glow in the dark as he said "Maybe you didn't notice it until now, but you _do_. You deserve everything and more."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I think It's important to mention that in the beginning when Yuuri talks about how he never ate more meat and dough in his life, then it doesn't mean it's raw or something! I just couldn't find the right word in english to explain it and it's been really bugging me! Try googeling russian dishes like pelmeni, I think this will help
> 
> It took waaay to long to write this, but at the moment I'm writing another, multichaptered fic, so If you liked my writing make sure to check it out!
> 
> (Also, what is the difference between cock and dick??)


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